the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
