I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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