i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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