i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize