I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
