We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize