Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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