Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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