he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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