Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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