member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
