I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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