So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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