oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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