Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I party with great urgency now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
