I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize