Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
