i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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