I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
