So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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