I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He did a backflip because drugs
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