I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
