was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
