I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
