There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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