He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
