peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
