We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
