My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
