I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
a search helicopter?!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
