so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
