I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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