Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
