If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Youβre welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize