sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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