I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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