you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
