Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
