so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
