I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
