I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
