fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
