I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
