I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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