one word: firstdatebathroomanal
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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