drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Quick, to the slutcave!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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