Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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