I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
someone threw a dead crab at me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize