Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
