I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
