I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
