I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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