wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
