Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
