That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
