So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He felt like a one man threesome
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
