I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
