WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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