When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
