I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
