whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
