i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
cat food counts as protein by the way
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
