there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
