Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize