I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
