My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
