i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
